Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The fear of your touch

I know it would be magical
I knew it would inflame me
from the blue sky to the invisibility
I knew the reason for the fear of your touch

I knew the oceans it would travel
where i could walk through the water
I knew the burn of fire
where the flames would seem as velvet touch

i knew the fantasies where it would pull me
where i could be the queen of the queens
i knew the lands i would travel
where i would be the slave of your soul

i knew the gardens it would take me
where the fragrance never left me
i knew the odor that would remain
which reminded me of your touch

i knew the whispers i would hear
the words unsaid made clear
i knew i would hear the talks
unknown to your and my thoughts

the reason was everywhere
and i knew it too
the fear of your touch
yet it pulled me through
the resistance was heard and sweetly denied
saying what have you lived
if not been hurt in the passion divine.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

something after long time

I thought I had it all

And always felt very strong

I couldn’t listen to what my heart said

And always wanted it to remain unsaid

I was always gloomy and

Found that way to be more Looney .

No sun was brighter and days were always darker

No season seemed sad because of the content it had

The smiles were always there with occasional tears

Where my heart wandered here n there


Then there was a day

then you saw me like hay

As dry and thick it seemed

There was a lot or so it seemed

You made your way through the forest

Igniting the trees of my memories

Fighting my plain thoughts

You made me think

Singing my favorite song you made me cling

You made me laugh thorough my pain

And hence there seemed no gain

The time changed and so did I

Realized there was nothing to comply


I thought things got better

And things that I realized later.


I felt stolen and lost somewhere

My existence was felt nowhere

Convincing I held your hand

But the stress I could never stand


I felt bliss in what I was

But you never could understand

You tired to ignite the fire of love

But never realized it was flooded once


It seemed crazy but I still flew

Broken wings that I had and that I knew

I knew I would fall and be hurt again

And there was something I found as gain

Realizations were many and I knew them well

But jumping and falling was a hobby by then


Every journey is exciting and I only know that

With faster heart beats I walk ahead

I have found my life in the journey

And nothing else seems to matter now

The hay remains and somehow grows dry

With the love as water and people as my sky.

Friday, July 9, 2010

got me thinking...... little bit of mised knowledge share..and a lot about us.......

ITS ALL MIXED A QUESTION INTO OTHER THINGS ARE NOT RELATED EVERYTHING HAS ITS OWN MEANING IF YOU HAVE ANSWERS PLEASE POST THEM....READ THE COMPLETE NOTE FOR THE REAL MEANING :)

what is life?? Who decides?? Who questions?? Where are the answers?? Why is everything good followed by bad?? And why is everything bad followed by good?? how does one find a reason to smile even when in agony?? Why do we hide our fears and tensions and sadness when we are supposed to share them??? And always think of sharing happiness??? What has brought this change? Why we are selfish and self centered today??? What makes us jealous?? What makes us happy?? Why are we sad??? Why do we smile??? Why do we run for something?? Why are we greedy??? Why today we don’t care??? Why have we forgotten to be thankful??? Why have we forgotten our god??? Where is our soul?? Has everyone lost it in finding it??? Where do we originate from??? Where do the ties lie??? Where do we go n why do we go??? What makes me "me "... and you "you"....what makes us like someone why do we hate someone??? Why are we afraid so show that we care that we love??? Why r things unsaid???

Where do we seek answers where do we go and why do we go????

There where times when nothing of this was thought about and people lived...did not speak but communicated...where fashion had no meaning...where beauty was unknown...where everything was nature and we were part of it....look back at it....have we developed or have we degraded things??? Gone are the days or feels so that we caught up with friends and actually laughed...we party today..."we socialize"...but are we happy??? We smile....but who has the time to read that smile....we cry when alone...why don’t we go to people and seek help.....think what has life done to us what we are making out of it??? What is the true meaning today??? What it actually had to be???? We have friends...how many are real...why does this question even arise???? Friends are supposed to be friends and nothing more......why do we expect?? what do we expect??? We love but forget and we love again....love is eternal and nothing can replace the true love...how do we fall in love twice today??? We have changed it so much that it is no more love....but just a feeling that comes and goes by convenience.....why is it like that....what about them who actually believe in love...what has changed.... why has it changed???? We have everything available to get in touch with the people...why are we lazy...we don’t write letters any more...words are shrinking and so is the meaning with it...,. How are you is h r u today..And love is luv,,,today????

Teachers who were respected and given the place of god...are mentioned as woh takla.... aare pakata hai buddha....they teach us everything....not only the subject but how we live and how we should live......what have we made out of them...how do we expect them to be good to us when we don’t respect them??? We fight today we scream we be ungrateful??? What are we not happy about a mobile or an iPod??? Where are the days when we shared....why is everything mine and not ours??? Pride has taken over every feeling....why do we live what do we run after?? We are born n we would die....why are we not giving a proper meaning to the time between birth and death....we earn but we are never happy...where are those days when dad earned just 300 rs a month n our pocket money was 10 rs.....and we were the most happiest people....cake was baked at home by mom n not bought from ribbons and balloons ....where are those birthday parties??? Why is living so expensive today who is responsible and why are they responsible.....why are we scared of responsibilities why we push the blames on others and not think of bringing the change??? Why are we so careless...house is an apartment with closed doors??? Why has the time changed???? Where those days are where people had no doors at all....why is privacy and my space so important????


What is lost who recreates??? Who wants to recreate???? Think what have we made out of ourselves??? Think are we educated or ignorant??? What have we found??? What have me made out of this world?? Are we expanding the world or are we shrinking it??? Are we helping people or are we just pretending to do so??? Respect people...laugh reunite......claim your friends.....get in touch.......love and do it unconditionally.....don’t just walk enjoy the beauty around you...don’t just join the race because everyone is doing it.....know the importance of your existence...love your life...love the dog love the cat...love the trees...gift flowers.....smile at everyone...learn to smile. And teach how to smile....you will be glad you did it....

I just don’t write it for everyone I write this for myself cause i have myself forgotten most of this....

Saturday, May 29, 2010

i have no title for this just read once when you drop by

this note is for the people i come across everyday.....even you might come across them...not all those poor people have chosen such life for themselves i jus ask everyone to show a little generosity towards them...i dont say give them money..but surely you can feed a poor child when you find one....if you cannot do that atleast smile at them...at the least dont abuse them or beat them....i repeat they haven't chosen such life for themselves...read through one...and be generous your help or smile may not solve there problems but sure may give them a minute to rejoice..



Why are things so complicated
Were they meant to be so
I look at you and see myself calling
But my feet doesn’t rise and walk for help
Then I think if I was selfish
Or were they meant to be so

You asked me for a rupee
I offered you a chocolate
You smiled at me and I had my answer
That smile is something that still lies in my eye
I smiled with you and my day was made
But I don’t know what’s going to happen with you
Were it meant to be so

I see you everyday
Dedicated you hit that drum
You don’t notice anyone passing by
You don’t ask or you don’t plead
But there is something about you
That makes me walk to you
And feed you..you are blind
And you smile at me everytime
I return your smile unknowingly
And think maybe
It were meant to be so

Why are things so complicated
And so difficult for you
I feel the pain that makes me cry
I rage when someone hurts or abuses you
And then think were it meant to be so
Your eyes ask for some generosity
And stay disappointed all the time
There are a million questions there
There is something about your smile
Your eyes speak for you
But no one notices it
Do you think that things were meant to be so?
How would you even change things your self
Is all I think, when I look at you
I silently pray for you
And I smile at you
You always return my smile…
And I think
Why were things meant to be so????

Saturday, May 15, 2010

some time at mid night.....

I sat there somewhere in the room at around midnight i dint know by then that it was mid night..i wasn't able to figure out things before I came back to my senses...stuck between a new day and the previous night at exact 12 i was not into the new day nor did i belong to the previous day at that perfect moment like that moment was asking me where do you think i should be placed in the day before or the new day...I had no answer, I was so filled with thoughts and various emotions and yet was feeling all empty and was still trying to find the answer to the question of that moment and before i realized the moment was gone. The decision was mine, I don't know but it really mattered at that moment what the answer to that question should be..then there was the real reason discovered from somewhere with in i wasn't trying to place the moment but i was trying to place myself some where in the past or in the future because at that moment I practically had no present...i thought of placing myself in the future...and everything seemed a little easy but then there was the fear that raised from the bottom of some part of my body very deep...my heart beats were suddenly loud....i couldn't see things working for myself..there was a fear and the age old question what if things din work for me.....i stopped thinking and tried to get out of those emotions then when my heart beats were normal..i tried to place myself in past...but then i was filled with emotions..the heart break the success the failures the lost dreams...and all seemed filled yet half or empty....then i realized that i was like that moment not able to decide where i belongs nor to the previous day neither to the coming new day....i was so confused and frustrated for not finding answers that i couldn't sleep...so i sat up and stared out of my window...i couldn't see anything cause I did not realize by then that my eyes were filled with tears and i had no idea how long i had been crying..In the dark i Looked at the void of my room and then outside the window to the filled world that was now silent and then i had a feeling that i was been crushed between them both i was getting outta breath n sweating badly and wanted to feel some air around me but i couldn't feel anything that moment punched a lot of holes into my heart and i was feeling the pain now and was crying even more.....i was devoid of energy to even wipe those tears and i had no idea the reason for those tears what were they about were about fear or end or emptiness no idea...i just hugged myself and allowed the tears to flow..i still cannot figure out what was on my mind that time...but this is what happend i lay yet belonged nowhere who was I that time...i dont know what was i doing i have no idea.......my crazy empty night..

n after that nighti was singing only one song by bryan adams...save me from another lonely nights....

Monday, May 3, 2010

MY LOVE STORY

I have always asked myself one question and that is pretty easy to guess for someone who knows me well “what is love??”
Is it the butterflies you have when that special person compliments you saying your eyes and smile are all he wants to have for life or is it the smile in your eyes when you see him everyday and still feel how awesome life is because of him or is it the pain you feel on his departure knowing that you are going to meet him the very next day or is it thinking about “is he thinking about me right now and if yes what he might be thinking” or is it the feeling you have when you have your first kiss and feel the same originality every time you kiss or is it that endless staring at each other without speaking a word and realizing “oohh my god its late I have to get home” or is it when he knows you cannot stay but while leaving he would always say “can’t you stay for a little longer and you end up saying I promise to stay tomorrow” or is it you sleep with him on your mind and the next morning you wake up with the feeling that “had he been trying my call is it too late??” or is it you get dressed in that dress he says you look beautiful in.. Or is it he goes a distance to buy you ice cream and your eyes search for him till you notice him with your favorite ice cream in his hand and you smile saying he knows so much about me. Or is it just you thinking about him and he calls saying “I was missing you”…..or is it when he says something stupid and you can’t stop laughing or is it every happy and sad moment you have you hope you could hold his hand and everything would be alright or is it when you have a huge fight and you know things are not going to effect anything because you love each other or is it that dancing when there is no music or is it that long drive with all love songs playing on the CD and you look at each other at the perfect time when ever that line is played and have that naughty smile or is it the feeling that one has that its raining outside and the smell of hot mud has just started spreading and you wish you hugged that person right there or is it that you can notice his perfume in a crowded place and spot him right or is it the feeling of relief when you are so much in pain and he understands it with out you saying a word or is it that when you are shouting at him for no reason he gets the insecurity you are having and doesn’t speak anything and listen to everything you have to say and in the end says “I love you” or is it that he knows how egoistic you are and always makes up in spite of the fact it is your mistake..or when he says you look beautiful even when you look horrible or is it that how much ever you try to hide that you aren’t crying and he holds you right there and gives you that bear hug you wanted..
Yes love for me is all these small and pretty things the most important small things..Which everyone thinks are lame and immature so I would ask these people what love is?? Do they even know it?? Or deep inside even they feels the same??
I don’t know if I’m being stupid because everyday I wake up with the feeling that today will be the day I will meet him and everyday I go to bed with the disappointment of not finding him but at the same time hoping tomorrow will be the day.. Yes it is really painful to have that hope over and over again but some how that is the only thing that matters to me to find that special person.. I sometimes even think what will be my morning when I have found that person.. what hope will I wake up with?? But that isn’t that scary to think about because everyday I will be falling in love with that person over and over again.. I will figure that out some how… all I want to say is that I’m not stupid I know and realize that these are very difficult things to have and I know that everything long term and everlasting is difficult to find and these are the small difficulties I’m going through everyday.. I don’t know if that day would ever come when I would meet that guy who would give me all these things and say I know these things matter a lot to you and they are all yours “I love you” yes I know I’m expecting a lot from him but if I wouldn’t expect this from him then whom do I expect it from?? If the person I love so much and who says he loves me so much cannot understand the basic things what I want then what is the whole point of our togetherness..

So this is my story of love till the day I would find my love who would change this story completely by holding my hand on that perfect morning showing me the sunrise and tell me that he wants to spend his life with me… and when I wouldn’t think but only listen to what my heart will say…because my heart beat will say every word that I want to say at that perfect moment I wait

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

FAREWELL


One day that I was waiting for was my farewell. The day that officially said that my journey of three years,  my graduation was over. I was going to end yet another part of my educational life. The day that told me that now I was a graduate. I was a grown up now, that I was going to leave something behind and that I was to join a new race. Have a new life. Get a job, be successful because by this day I had the qualifications to do so.
But when it was time to face the day I had no energy to go to the college or sit in the auditorium and face all those people and that college that I was not going to be a part of after that day. It was so difficult to smile at everyone or speak to everyone cause everything seemed so wrong, yes I know that it had to end on this particular day and I had been preparing myself for this day from the very start of final year but some how the emotion was different the last time I would be facing most of the people who have seemed like a family for these three years, with whom I shared those feelings and that bond that couldn’t be shared with any other person if it wasn’t them. Everyone has to face such day sometime or another but it was a little difficult for me cause after three years in Mumbai I only had these few friends and not having them around like they have been for these years that very thought was really disturbing.
Yet when I got to know that we were having our farewell on 5th of april  I went shopping to buy a new dress for a very beautiful day that was going to leave me sad at the end of it. I bought new clothes new accessories and got ready for the day. Went to my friends house to get ready and then left in a car for the college every one out there had the same face which was smiling yet was sad a small emotion and we would all cry.. yes it was really terrible to see those faces whom we would not see in the coming years. Then we went into the auditorium where the sweet juniors had planned things for us by fighting with our professors and “HOD” and poor people arranged for a farewell in just two days time. They really faced many difficulties for our sake and they are the sweetest juniors anyone would ask for. And the farewell started with dances and masti few confessions through fishpond, few questions that left many embarrassed but it was fun. The most amazing were the “NA-REAL” awards and after being nominated for  three awards I managed winning the most “chappad-chappad ” award for myself..so proud I was.. and then there was the ultimate thing the slide show of memories that is our  photographs. It went on for three long songs..one was splitsvilla ka title track by agnee then yaadien and then purani jeans that was amazing…..i and one of my friend started crying by looking at those photographs.. and iam sure most of them were crying there. And then we were asked to give our views about the time spent by us in the college..and iam very sure if I did not have my poem in hand I couldn’t have been able to say a word cause we were all chocked with emotions. I was already crying when I read the poem then ketki cried when she started crying and couldn’t finish.. then I was really taken by surprise by three of my classmates who mentioned me in there speech for some cute reasons that made me more emotional cause I did not expect those things from them..at the end of everything I felt so proud cause those words gave me strength of believing that I wouldn’t be forgotten after this night and that was such a relief..we ended up taking many pictures to capture those memories of the last night together..hugged and cried and again hugged and cried made promises to keep in touch but god knows how we would keep up to them..then filled with those memories and emotions we headed back to our own nests..

The thing to say is I will surely miss these three years. They have thought me a lot of things in good and bad ways but that doesn’t matter now..i would carry a lot of things from these three years yes iam even glad that it all ended at once but still there is a part that says it should have been a little longer..

To all my friends whom might come across this blog.. iam sorry if I have hurt you in anyway or have been rude to you..iam really sorry and I really love you all and to let you know that iam surely going to miss every single person I have known in college in some way or another..love you for giving me some beautiful memories and being a part of my life..

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

MASKS

I have known many faces till date. There was one thing common in all of them everyone had a mask on there face which kept me from knowing there real faces. There were times when I used to judge people, sometimes how they behaved and sometimes how they appeared but as time passed I realized that every one had a mask not only on there face but few also covered there soul with these masks. And then I faced the truth that what is the point of judging people when they are all wearing masks and not being themselves and so now I don’t judge anyone because I find no reason to judge them.
So here I talk not about knowing these people by faces but about all those people with masks. Everyone I met in the course I realized that they wore many masks, masks of attitude, mask of pride, mask of fear, mask of sympathy, mask of friendliness, mask of love and many more. Yes here I include myself in them. Even I’m one of them with masks I don’t know which masks I wear but as far as I know I have used various masks. But the question is what makes me do this?? What makes me put on these masks. What makes me act and not be myself. I hate to be someone else but me, but there are times when I’m required to put on these masks, times like when I’m not sorry but i have to be so that i ignore taking things to different levels. When I put on these masks for good reasons or that might not hurt anyone its fine to put on these masks and roam around because they won’t harm anyone.
These days I come across everyone with masks. At least i don’t expect my close ones to wear masks and be with me. Yes these masks make me happy because they are meant to make me happy, but the worst comes when I realize that these were masks and not real faces you have known. This leaves me with many more questions like why? Why me? Is some thing wrong?? Why are people so untrue and many more questions? Then my search started to find the hidden faces behind these masks and when I learnt how to get to know the real soul of a person and what makes them behave like that I found every soul to be as pure and as white as any other soul.
The basic thing that we have forgotten is to be “me” and not someone else. I don’t understand why we don’t accept ourselves just because others don’t accept us the way we are. I know that when I ask someone to do this, they may all say this is very difficult because all we need is being accepted and loved, but why do we forget that if we are being loved for what we are not and being accepted for what we are not and some else then we are really not being accepted they are accepting some one who is not you but the mask of yours. Why don’t we feel that its more better that a few people loving you and accepting you for what you are than all others accepting you for what your not.
We all these days are degrading our souls, degrading the power they have to make people accept us for what we are. We have all forgotten to be ourselves. We are all running and running hard from ourselves and portraying to be someone else.. I don’t know what makes us do this. Why are we being so rude to ourselves I ask what is the need?? But when I look at my inner true self I find myself on the same side where we all stand. I have tried to break myself from this mask but the power and need to wear this mask was some how stronger than what I estimated. I still battle to break free. Because I have discovered what I want to be and I’m working to break free these masks. Yes in this way when I saw the mask breaking I even saw few hearts breaking so it takes a lot of time to break this mask but deep inside I’m satisfied that at least I’m being me and I even feel the strength to accept the hate that people show towards me. Maybe this is the power of my soul and I can see it gaining strength.

All I want to tell is try and break those masks. You may hurt people but at the same time you would also find the strength to convince them the reason for your actions. It is not all that difficult. This is to save your self from degrading your soul and realizing the soul’s power with in you. Because there will be one day and it will surely be when you would realize this truth about acceptance and when you would realize that you have been accepted for not being you it does really hurt.
Break through the masks and discover your self……

Sunday, March 21, 2010

it's 1:45 AM

its 1:45 AM in the night..i don't know why iam still online and sitting in front of my computer when my eyes are burning like crazy i was supposed to complete my documentation which I'm almost done but all lazy to go through it again....so probably i should sleep....but I'm not sleepy at all just bored of this night cause i have loads of work to do but I'm really not inn for it..i want to talk or may be I'm hungry... i have no idea for why iam writing this blog.....just bored of everything waiting for this wait to end....so that i can sleep in peace...i cannot work nor can I sleep??? is this what every student in his/her final year face?? this is really miserable.....

all right enough place i consumed over this blog....

please don't mind it

its 1:51 AM I'm done with writing a blog

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

placing fullstops and commas in life


We always dream about a perfect life. But the extent of the perfection of our life is decided by non but us. If I think that this is my perfect life I have got what I wanted and your perfect life is yours when whatever you have specified in your perfect life is achieved by you.

But how does one reach to that definition of perfection?? when I say if I have a car, a house, a good job, and a dog I have a perfect life......yes that is a perfect life.... then the need starts one house naah I should have an other holiday home that will make everything perfect....then when you have that house you say you want an other car cause one is not always available...ok you even get that do we settle on it?? The list always has add-ons.

I don’t say that’s wrong we humans are made like that we are never happy with what we have...we always want more and this need or I would call it greed will never make a perfect life for us, cause we always keep on adding some thing new to our goals when we get the previous thing......I would say nobody can have a perfect life the more you achieve the more our needs increase if at all we are happy at a point also others- lets call it society doesn’t allow us to enjoy our perfect life, they force us to think about there perfect life or how they wanted it and tell us so much about it that we start thinking that ours is not the perfect life....these things never end and we remain unsatisfied with everything that we have for which we invest all the soul and time of our life, we buy the best of things for ourselves but never enjoy them is there any end to such kind of greed??
Then the question arises how is one supposed to have this perfect life of there own....
well even I don’t know the answer for this....I would say be happy with whatever we have and that would settle everything but when I say I’m happy with what I have, people end up saying that I’m not ambitious or I’m not serious about life, every one might say that don't care what people say do what ever your heart says......but at the end of the day we are the part of this society and we live in it......and so we have to take it seriously no matter how much we want to break free from it .... Everybody talks about bringing a change even I talk about bringing the change but the question is how?? Consciously or subconsciously we are all the part of the same system and have been doing the things which we now think of changing.
so the conclusion is be greedy  and don't enjoy life because you are the part of a greedy society and if you have to survive and be "happy" one should accept the golden rules of the society and join the race to have a "perfect life"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

the result

the result was anounced when i stood there to ask doubt for my project.......d only thing i wished for was tht result niklega toh abhay sir samne nahi hone chahiye.....n it was exactly d opposite.......i was in class in front of sir n cudnt react on it.....sir checked my result n i was passed but tht wasnt enough.....v still din get our mark sheet ny thn.....we were waiting for our mark-sheet d tym whn i got to knw tht i passed n till d tym we were actually knowing our marks was like hell.........shit cudnt concentrate on nything.........pehele i was praying to paass n now i was praying to get a first class...........lakin d next day i get to know my results........i score a first class.......iam more than happy for tht lakin d tym i spent in tht one day was horrible.......i never experienced so much fear........i was scared i din want to fail in my own expectations....n tht din happen iam proud of my self..........................:)

thr is only one more sem left n iam confident tht i wll do btter in tht tooo

Friday, February 19, 2010

review......

My name is Khan....SRK has done it again a different subject..a different story...LOVE U SRK...it was swades..chak de...n now its MNIK.......i wud like to thank him for having this film...thr had to b sumway to make the people realise wat they hav forgotten..forgottten to remain netural towards prople....its two people out of 100 who r bad n v end up cursing everyone...n the other 98 r made to go through all d bad in the world they dont deserve....Maybe thats the reason they hate others in return....ask our selves one question why are we so biased??

why cant v fight on the grounds of humanity and not on d grounds of religion..khan had his own way of making people know things...but it is up to us now to  make a difference stop being biased.....to stop humiliating people jus bcoz they belong to a particular religion.....y do v end up forgetting tht they r humans n they r not d ones always responsible for wat is going on around us....

well a small story y i felt like writing this blog......whn i shifted to mumbai n joined my college.....i was dying to make frndzzz n whn i approached thm to talk to thm i cudnt spk proper marathi cause i was frm hyd...n was not used to talk in marathi.....so i staretd conversation in english n hindi sumtimes.....they din accept me...they evn adviced each othr not to talk to me cause i was sum wierd being.....whn i offered thm to eat frm my plate they nva touched n made fun of those who ate wid me.....n whn later they realised tht i was a maharashtrian they all spoke to me well n wanted to know d real reason i cudnt spk to thm in marathi...but d humiliation i went thru was not wat i was supposed to hav...i felt bad for those fools who treated me like tht...they r stopping thmselves frm knowing ppl n interacting n gettin to learn new things abt diff things stopping thmselves to knw d difference between the two type of people tht exist good and bad as rizwan khan says......

well d point is whn wud we stop hating innocent people...evn d rest of the movie industry has been potraying them to be bad
why cudnt nyone dare to think d way this trio of karan johar srk n kajol did....

i n ranjith my frnd online wer discussing d same this mornin tht if thts d way to treat ppl thn v being humans r bad as evn v fight ovr a temple n mosque.....in d same country....v fight ovr reservations......caste....n all d reasons v find to fight....who is to be blamed and to be torchered........join hands

the change cannot jus be brought by one person v need to change our thinking our behavious n stop being biased........for example to change d environment arnd v need to clean ourselves up n learn to keep d surroundings clean.....v cannot wait for sum1 to start making d difference v shud make d difference...

once again love u khan for being khan and not d terrorist.....

Saturday, February 13, 2010

world behind my eyes......

.

I close my eyes and killed the world outside
and a world with in was fast and quite
it was all red thn simply shine
gloomy i was as i saw it all there
the things  played like a movie there
a fantasy or just a dispair
i saw it all with no preconceptions
and swallowed it all with no misconceptions
the picture seemed to be the mirror of my thoughts
in the challenging nite with no map to trace me right

there i stood wid a journey ahead
and you were there with all your faith
we walked hand in hand and sung the fav song
with you there i could see life in a grain
i stood there and asked for no more
like all seemed a story on the whole
but then it was just my night
a world behind my closed eyes
the pinch of reality for so right
that shattered my whole insight
i woke up to a bright day and thought no more
stepped out of  bed thinking i coul wish no more
but a perfect day like that in the wild dreams
that keeps me here so bright and seen

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

the LOCAL train.......

Today...was a different day........when I first started travelling in the local trains of Mumbai two years back......I always used to stand at d station and while I waited for my train I used to noticed people around who all used to be in gr8 hurry... always running.. no one out here knew how to walk slowly no one bothered if they hit someone..or they pushed someone......well FEMALES who r supposed to be mother to children used to pull out other kids out of there way to get into the train......that used to really crush me into pieces to see them do that......I always used to stand there and wonder y people behaved like that.. don't they have heart or even if they were humans.......there were more such things like people travelling above the train where they could just touch d high voltage wire above them n die......people hanging on windows.........hanging at the door....one slip n life would end....I never got a answer y they behaved so....n then I got busy with my own life......after two years...today I found myself running for life to catch my train.....I never noticed who came in my way...I was just running I pushed two or maybe three people.......in my way....they never waited for me to say sorry as they were also running for there trains.....when I was in d train I just went into flashback n realised how I used to laugh at the people who used to run for trains....well there is actually no need for any person to run for a train in Mumbai you have trains after every 2 mins......but still I was running.....did I loose my humanity living here??? or now it just doesn't matter to me who comes in my way....I keep running.... I don't walk slow any more .. once a friend from h Hyd visited me and he asked me why was I walking so fast when we were having a walk on a beach...I heard many say... people in Mumbai have no time they have a busy life...that is no true....people just make it look like that....life in every city is d same.....just because people here r nuts n cannot stop running cause they r used to it...they find life in other states to be slow I still find no reason y people run here and how and when I got used to this stupid running thing......its useless I don't want to be among those females who pull poor students out of there way to get into the train......will I be able to stop myself from being one of them??? cause I couldn't stop myself from changing the way I was calm today even I run after trains well I need to wait n c what happens....I really don't want to be a part of this.......

Sunday, February 7, 2010

been long in touch wid reality

wellll.....yes d title sucks may be....but i strongly feel it tht way.........i think i lost my touch wid reality.....if i had wasted so much tym in trying to figure out wat am doing at this point of time....well if my mba entrance is so imp tht i shud not evn "waste tym" on missing my sis who jus got married......if my sem 5 grades where imp tht i cudnt spend the last leftover tym wid my sis as she was leaving me n going.........going to sum place far frm me n tht we cannot meet evn once a month....whom shud i blame........well cause ppl say ur responsible for ur own actions n deeds.......i din make many frndzz....whn kid i had frndz at school my best frnd was my sis......but we cudnt remain d same....as issues like i study well n she doesnt...took us apart.......i had to search frndzz out n she did d same maybe........well d point is..........whn i found d best of my frndzzz........i had to leave thm and shift to mumbai....whom ami supposed to blame.........it wasnt my decision i never wanted to leave hyd.......but i guess iam not old enough to take my decisions......aftr tht i n my sis wer frndzz again like really frndzz....sharing things.....roaming arnd i cud cry in front of her......but yet again she had to leave...n ya....sum mite say tht frndzz r for life it doesnt matter how far ur frm thm....yes i to used to feel d same.....n tht was d only thing tht helped me to shift myself......but thn it is jus not d same......evn d best of frndzz....whn u call thm u dont feel like telling thm ur probs....like u used to b4.......cannot cry ovr fone...or cannot ask thm to cum over jus bcozz ur gttin bored...cuming back.....d only best frnd i made my sis is gone n my coll is abt to end.......n iam gonna loose everything yet again............i miss my sis......but wat is it....whn will i b allowed to take my decisions...whn is nyone gonna ask me for wat i want.......wat i want to do...y is painting for a long tym considered to be waste of tym....will nyone help me figure out tht............well.....well if this is my-ve approach,...iam sick of being +ve cause i be +ve n end up wid nothin but disappointed maybe the tyms r gone wer ppl be gud to u......to sit n understnad wat ur sayin......calling a frnd u trust says i dont hav tym whn u really wanna talk n tht person wants to sleep.....n thr is whr i cum in touch wid reality.......wid which i lost my touch.....