FAREWELL

One day that I was waiting for was my farewell. The day that officially said that my journey of three years,  my graduation was over. I was going to end yet another part of my educational life. The day that told me that now I was a graduate. I was a grown up now, that I was going to leave something behind and that I was to join a new race. Have a new life. Get a job, be successful because by this day I had the qualifications to do so.

But when it was time to face the day I had no energy to go to the college or sit in the auditorium and face all those people and that college that I was not going to be a part of after that day. It was so difficult to smile at everyone or speak to everyone cause everything seemed so wrong, yes I know that it had to end on this particular day and I had been preparing myself for this day from the very start of final year but some how the emotion was different the last time I would be facing most of the people who have seemed like a family for these three years, with whom I shared those feelings and that bond that couldn’t be shared with any other person if it wasn’t them. Everyone has to face such day sometime or another but it was a little difficult for me cause after three years in Mumbai I only had these few friends and not having them around like they have been for these years that very thought was really disturbing.

Yet when I got to know that we were having our farewell on 5^th of april  I went shopping to buy a new dress for a very beautiful day that was going to leave me sad at the end of it. I bought new clothes new accessories and got ready for the day. Went to my friends house to get ready and then left in a car for the college every one out there had the same face which was smiling yet was sad a small emotion and we would all cry.. yes it was really terrible to see those faces whom we would not see in the coming years. Then we went into the auditorium where the sweet juniors had planned things for us by fighting with our professors and “HOD” and poor people arranged for a farewell in just two days time. They really faced many difficulties for our sake and they are the sweetest juniors anyone would ask for. And the farewell started with dances and masti few confessions through fishpond, few questions that left many embarrassed but it was fun. The most amazing were the “NA-REAL” awards and after being nominated for  three awards I managed winning the most “chappad-chappad ” award for myself..so proud I was.. and then there was the ultimate thing the slide show of memories that is our  photographs. It went on for three long songs..one was splitsvilla ka title track by agnee then yaadien and then purani jeans that was amazing…..i and one of my friend started crying by looking at those photographs.. and iam sure most of them were crying there. And then we were asked to give our views about the time spent by us in the college..and iam very sure if I did not have my poem in hand I couldn’t have been able to say a word cause we were all chocked with emotions. I was already crying when I read the poem then ketki cried when she started crying and couldn’t finish.. then I was really taken by surprise by three of my classmates who mentioned me in there speech for some cute reasons that made me more emotional cause I did not expect those things from them..at the end of everything I felt so proud cause those words gave me strength of believing that I wouldn’t be forgotten after this night and that was such a relief..we ended up taking many pictures to capture those memories of the last night together..hugged and cried and again hugged and cried made promises to keep in touch but god knows how we would keep up to them..then filled with those memories and emotions we headed back to our own nests..

The thing to say is I will surely miss these three years. They have thought me a lot of things in good and bad ways but that doesn’t matter now..i would carry a lot of things from these three years yes iam even glad that it all ended at once but still there is a part that says it should have been a little longer..

To all my friends whom might come across this blog.. iam sorry if I have hurt you in anyway or have been rude to you..iam really sorry and I really love you all and to let you know that iam surely going to miss every single person I have known in college in some way or another..love you for giving me some beautiful memories and being a part of my life..

MASKS

I have known many faces till date. There was one thing common in all of them everyone had a mask on there face which kept me from knowing there real faces. There were times when I used to judge people, sometimes how they behaved and sometimes how they appeared but as time passed I realized that every one had a mask not only on there face but few also covered there soul with these masks. And then I faced the truth that what is the point of judging people when they are all wearing masks and not being themselves and so now I don’t judge anyone because I find no reason to judge them.

So here I talk not about knowing these people by faces but about all those people with masks. Everyone I met in the course I realized that they wore many masks, masks of attitude, mask of pride, mask of fear, mask of sympathy, mask of friendliness, mask of love and many more. Yes here I include myself in them. Even I’m one of them with masks I don’t know which masks I wear but as far as I know I have used various masks. But the question is what makes me do this?? What makes me put on these masks. What makes me act and not be myself. I hate to be someone else but me, but there are times when I’m required to put on these masks, times like when I’m not sorry but i have to be so that i ignore taking things to different levels. When I put on these masks for good reasons or that might not hurt anyone its fine to put on these masks and roam around because they won’t harm anyone.
These days I come across everyone with masks. At least i don’t expect my close ones to wear masks and be with me. Yes these masks make me happy because they are meant to make me happy, but the worst comes when I realize that these were masks and not real faces you have known. This leaves me with many more questions like why? Why me? Is some thing wrong?? Why are people so untrue and many more questions? Then my search started to find the hidden faces behind these masks and when I learnt how to get to know the real soul of a person and what makes them behave like that I found every soul to be as pure and as white as any other soul.
The basic thing that we have forgotten is to be “me” and not someone else. I don’t understand why we don’t accept ourselves just because others don’t accept us the way we are. I know that when I ask someone to do this, they may all say this is very difficult because all we need is being accepted and loved, but why do we forget that if we are being loved for what we are not and being accepted for what we are not and some else then we are really not being accepted they are accepting some one who is not you but the mask of yours. Why don’t we feel that its more better that a few people loving you and accepting you for what you are than all others accepting you for what your not.
We all these days are degrading our souls, degrading the power they have to make people accept us for what we are. We have all forgotten to be ourselves. We are all running and running hard from ourselves and portraying to be someone else.. I don’t know what makes us do this. Why are we being so rude to ourselves I ask what is the need?? But when I look at my inner true self I find myself on the same side where we all stand. I have tried to break myself from this mask but the power and need to wear this mask was some how stronger than what I estimated. I still battle to break free. Because I have discovered what I want to be and I’m working to break free these masks. Yes in this way when I saw the mask breaking I even saw few hearts breaking so it takes a lot of time to break this mask but deep inside I’m satisfied that at least I’m being me and I even feel the strength to accept the hate that people show towards me. Maybe this is the power of my soul and I can see it gaining strength.

All I want to tell is try and break those masks. You may hurt people but at the same time you would also find the strength to convince them the reason for your actions. It is not all that difficult. This is to save your self from degrading your soul and realizing the soul’s power with in you. Because there will be one day and it will surely be when you would realize this truth about acceptance and when you would realize that you have been accepted for not being you it does really hurt.
Break through the masks and discover your self……

it's 1:45 AM

its 1:45 AM in the night..i don't know why iam still online and sitting in front of my computer when my eyes are burning like crazy i was supposed to complete my documentation which I'm almost done but all lazy to go through it again....so probably i should sleep....but I'm not sleepy at all just bored of this night cause i have loads of work to do but I'm really not inn for it..i want to talk or may be I'm hungry... i have no idea for why iam writing this blog.....just bored of everything waiting for this wait to end....so that i can sleep in peace...i cannot work nor can I sleep??? is this what every student in his/her final year face?? this is really miserable.....

all right enough place i consumed over this blog....

please don't mind it

its 1:51 AM I'm done with writing a blog

placing fullstops and commas in life

We always dream about a perfect life. But the extent of the perfection of our life is decided by non but us. If I think that this is my perfect life I have got what I wanted and your perfect life is yours when whatever you have specified in your perfect life is achieved by you.

But how does one reach to that definition of perfection?? when I say if I have a car, a house, a good job, and a dog I have a perfect life......yes that is a perfect life.... then the need starts one house naah I should have an other holiday home that will make everything perfect....then when you have that house you say you want an other car cause one is not always available...ok you even get that do we settle on it?? The list always has add-ons.

I don’t say that’s wrong we humans are made like that we are never happy with what we have...we always want more and this need or I would call it greed will never make a perfect life for us, cause we always keep on adding some thing new to our goals when we get the previous thing......I would say nobody can have a perfect life the more you achieve the more our needs increase if at all we are happy at a point also others- lets call it society doesn’t allow us to enjoy our perfect life, they force us to think about there perfect life or how they wanted it and tell us so much about it that we start thinking that ours is not the perfect life....these things never end and we remain unsatisfied with everything that we have for which we invest all the soul and time of our life, we buy the best of things for ourselves but never enjoy them is there any end to such kind of greed??

Then the question arises how is one supposed to have this perfect life of there own....

well even I don’t know the answer for this....I would say be happy with whatever we have and that would settle everything but when I say I’m happy with what I have, people end up saying that I’m not ambitious or I’m not serious about life, every one might say that don't care what people say do what ever your heart says......but at the end of the day we are the part of this society and we live in it......and so we have to take it seriously no matter how much we want to break free from it .... Everybody talks about bringing a change even I talk about bringing the change but the question is how?? Consciously or subconsciously we are all the part of the same system and have been doing the things which we now think of changing.

so the conclusion is be greedy  and don't enjoy life because you are the part of a greedy society and if you have to survive and be "happy" one should accept the golden rules of the society and join the race to have a "perfect life"

the result

the result was anounced when i stood there to ask doubt for my project.......d only thing i wished for was tht result niklega toh abhay sir samne nahi hone chahiye.....n it was exactly d opposite.......i was in class in front of sir n cudnt react on it.....sir checked my result n i was passed but tht wasnt enough.....v still din get our mark sheet ny thn.....we were waiting for our mark-sheet d tym whn i got to knw tht i passed n till d tym we were actually knowing our marks was like hell.........shit cudnt concentrate on nything.........pehele i was praying to paass n now i was praying to get a first class...........lakin d next day i get to know my results........i score a first class.......iam more than happy for tht lakin d tym i spent in tht one day was horrible.......i never experienced so much fear........i was scared i din want to fail in my own expectations....n tht din happen iam proud of my self..........................:)

thr is only one more sem left n iam confident tht i wll do btter in tht tooo

review......

My name is Khan....SRK has done it again a different subject..a different story...LOVE U SRK...it was swades..chak de...n now its MNIK.......i wud like to thank him for having this film...thr had to b sumway to make the people realise wat they hav forgotten..forgottten to remain netural towards prople....its two people out of 100 who r bad n v end up cursing everyone...n the other 98 r made to go through all d bad in the world they dont deserve....Maybe thats the reason they hate others in return....ask our selves one question why are we so biased??

why cant v fight on the grounds of humanity and not on d grounds of religion..khan had his own way of making people know things...but it is up to us now to  make a difference stop being biased.....to stop humiliating people jus bcoz they belong to a particular religion.....y do v end up forgetting tht they r humans n they r not d ones always responsible for wat is going on around us....

well a small story y i felt like writing this blog......whn i shifted to mumbai n joined my college.....i was dying to make frndzzz n whn i approached thm to talk to thm i cudnt spk proper marathi cause i was frm hyd...n was not used to talk in marathi.....so i staretd conversation in english n hindi sumtimes.....they din accept me...they evn adviced each othr not to talk to me cause i was sum wierd being.....whn i offered thm to eat frm my plate they nva touched n made fun of those who ate wid me.....n whn later they realised tht i was a maharashtrian they all spoke to me well n wanted to know d real reason i cudnt spk to thm in marathi...but d humiliation i went thru was not wat i was supposed to hav...i felt bad for those fools who treated me like tht...they r stopping thmselves frm knowing ppl n interacting n gettin to learn new things abt diff things stopping thmselves to knw d difference between the two type of people tht exist good and bad as rizwan khan says......

well d point is whn wud we stop hating innocent people...evn d rest of the movie industry has been potraying them to be bad
why cudnt nyone dare to think d way this trio of karan johar srk n kajol did....

i n ranjith my frnd online wer discussing d same this mornin tht if thts d way to treat ppl thn v being humans r bad as evn v fight ovr a temple n mosque.....in d same country....v fight ovr reservations......caste....n all d reasons v find to fight....who is to be blamed and to be torchered........join hands

the change cannot jus be brought by one person v need to change our thinking our behavious n stop being biased........for example to change d environment arnd v need to clean ourselves up n learn to keep d surroundings clean.....v cannot wait for sum1 to start making d difference v shud make d difference...

once again love u khan for being khan and not d terrorist.....

world behind my eyes......

.

I close my eyes and killed the world outside
and a world with in was fast and quite
it was all red thn simply shine
gloomy i was as i saw it all there
the things  played like a movie there
a fantasy or just a dispair
i saw it all with no preconceptions
and swallowed it all with no misconceptions
the picture seemed to be the mirror of my thoughts
in the challenging nite with no map to trace me right

there i stood wid a journey ahead
and you were there with all your faith
we walked hand in hand and sung the fav song
with you there i could see life in a grain
i stood there and asked for no more
like all seemed a story on the whole
but then it was just my night
a world behind my closed eyes
the pinch of reality for so right
that shattered my whole insight
i woke up to a bright day and thought no more
stepped out of  bed thinking i coul wish no more
but a perfect day like that in the wild dreams
that keeps me here so bright and seen

the LOCAL train.......

Today...was a different day........when I first started travelling in the local trains of Mumbai two years back......I always used to stand at d station and while I waited for my train I used to noticed people around who all used to be in gr8 hurry... always running.. no one out here knew how to walk slowly no one bothered if they hit someone..or they pushed someone......well FEMALES who r supposed to be mother to children used to pull out other kids out of there way to get into the train......that used to really crush me into pieces to see them do that......I always used to stand there and wonder y people behaved like that.. don't they have heart or even if they were humans.......there were more such things like people travelling above the train where they could just touch d high voltage wire above them n die......people hanging on windows.........hanging at the door....one slip n life would end....I never got a answer y they behaved so....n then I got busy with my own life......after two years...today I found myself running for life to catch my train.....I never noticed who came in my way...I was just running I pushed two or maybe three people.......in my way....they never waited for me to say sorry as they were also running for there trains.....when I was in d train I just went into flashback n realised how I used to laugh at the people who used to run for trains....well there is actually no need for any person to run for a train in Mumbai you have trains after every 2 mins......but still I was running.....did I loose my humanity living here??? or now it just doesn't matter to me who comes in my way....I keep running.... I don't walk slow any more .. once a friend from h Hyd visited me and he asked me why was I walking so fast when we were having a walk on a beach...I heard many say... people in Mumbai have no time they have a busy life...that is no true....people just make it look like that....life in every city is d same.....just because people here r nuts n cannot stop running cause they r used to it...they find life in other states to be slow I still find no reason y people run here and how and when I got used to this stupid running thing......its useless I don't want to be among those females who pull poor students out of there way to get into the train......will I be able to stop myself from being one of them??? cause I couldn't stop myself from changing the way I was calm today even I run after trains well I need to wait n c what happens....I really don't want to be a part of this.......

been long in touch wid reality

wellll.....yes d title sucks may be....but i strongly feel it tht way.........i think i lost my touch wid reality.....if i had wasted so much tym in trying to figure out wat am doing at this point of time....well if my mba entrance is so imp tht i shud not evn "waste tym" on missing my sis who jus got married......if my sem 5 grades where imp tht i cudnt spend the last leftover tym wid my sis as she was leaving me n going.........going to sum place far frm me n tht we cannot meet evn once a month....whom shud i blame........well cause ppl say ur responsible for ur own actions n deeds.......i din make many frndzz....whn kid i had frndz at school my best frnd was my sis......but we cudnt remain d same....as issues like i study well n she doesnt...took us apart.......i had to search frndzz out n she did d same maybe........well d point is..........whn i found d best of my frndzzz........i had to leave thm and shift to mumbai....whom ami supposed to blame.........it wasnt my decision i never wanted to leave hyd.......but i guess iam not old enough to take my decisions......aftr tht i n my sis wer frndzz again like really frndzz....sharing things.....roaming arnd i cud cry in front of her......but yet again she had to leave...n ya....sum mite say tht frndzz r for life it doesnt matter how far ur frm thm....yes i to used to feel d same.....n tht was d only thing tht helped me to shift myself......but thn it is jus not d same......evn d best of frndzz....whn u call thm u dont feel like telling thm ur probs....like u used to b4.......cannot cry ovr fone...or cannot ask thm to cum over jus bcozz ur gttin bored...cuming back.....d only best frnd i made my sis is gone n my coll is abt to end.......n iam gonna loose everything yet again............i miss my sis......but wat is it....whn will i b allowed to take my decisions...whn is nyone gonna ask me for wat i want.......wat i want to do...y is painting for a long tym considered to be waste of tym....will nyone help me figure out tht............well.....well if this is my-ve approach,...iam sick of being +ve cause i be +ve n end up wid nothin but disappointed maybe the tyms r gone wer ppl be gud to u......to sit n understnad wat ur sayin......calling a frnd u trust says i dont hav tym whn u really wanna talk n tht person wants to sleep.....n thr is whr i cum in touch wid reality.......wid which i lost my touch.....

jus felt like writing a blog

well to start wid this is a very stupid blog ever written people r free to post thr comments on this as they will nywyas it doesnt matter me....welll from what has happpend in past life though it wasnt a big part of life to call it......i leanrt a lot of things....few good n few bad things....after hyderabad i have known the real life as i was completely out of the comfort protected life and was left in a place like mumbai where i was free to do what i wanted to do......but this whole place was very confusing,messed and a little uncomfortable to live in....i always had many questions in my mind what iam doing? or why iam doing this ? but i never found answer and i always thought "how messed up iam with my life or how fucked up my life" and i wud be all sad and sorry for myself for no reason pittying myself again for no reason and i was being so stupid tht i din evn hav fun tht i cud hav actually had......smiling stupidly following people and doing nothin was my fav pass tym......well i did blame n number of people for wat was happening rahter than recreating my life.......but my problem was i cudnt be sad for a long tym nor c myself happy for a long tym so i ended up myself wid sum kind of mess every single day n thn cursing my life for d mess i had made...but now i know, n now i realise tht it wasnt about wat i was doing or why i was doing it it was about how iam doing it..............it was not abt cribbing about wat was happening or maybe already gone and wud never cum back....but it ws about creating more such moments living,though now i curse myself for realising this so late....lolzzzz not nymore........so the whole point is i have become practical.......now a frnd doesnt call me....i dont cry that i hav few frndzz now.......i have many frndzz.......and my "own life" to live u may say do v care offcourse u shudnt care cause u hav ur own life......and i dont mind going alone for a coffee or walking aimlessly on roads i njoy it....now i njoy doing nothin cause i hav seen ppl who complain that they dont find tym to do nothing......iam in love yet again with my life and iam loving it...i dont give a shit about who walks into my life or who walks out of my life.......if they had to stay they wud hav stayed n if they had to go they r gone...there is a reson why they din make it wid me to the future...and iam no more intrested in future.......live life today this is the day to be....njoy ur own way party everyday in ur own way....life is moving faster than u can evn realise....and its no point being sad for wat is not urs.........njoy everyday i.e today...like iam doing in my very own way..........cheers to life.........

to d one i love...................

Let’s go
Let’s go to a place
where there are no people
lets go away from the crowd
lets go away from the people of the world
lets go to a place where there is no noise
lets disconnect ourselves from them
Not telling anyone nor letting ourselves know
Closing the doors to the world
let eyes meet the eyes
Let’s give our selves to the passion of love
let the heartbeat be so loud that it becomes our music
Let the emotions burn through our souls
Drenching themselves in the passion of our love
Let’s be with each other throughout like the sky
Let the distance between us die
dying in the arms that are dipped in passion
Let our souls unite forever
Let the moon die in our thoughts and sun rise in our arms
Let there be a story unsaid in everything that happens
Lets live the moment as there is no tomorrow
Lets fall in love with each other over and over
Let the night be never ending and may there be no day
Let the night seem meant for you and me
Only for you and me
Lets go to a place
Lets go..............

missin you.........

`missing you was my choice,
though I love to make that choice,
you are always with me,
though we are so apart,
life has never been so real,
and love so pure,
because i feel u around....


I see you in the sun for,
you are my shadow,
i see you in the moon for,
you are the light in dark,
I see you as water,
where i see my self in you......


In you i trust and dare to dream
as you give me the strength to live my dreams
and i will always choose to miss you,
cause I know you are always with me though we are so apart..........................................